


this love (is alive back from the dead)

by jojomustlive



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: (but not really), Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Bisexual Julie Molina, Bisexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Jealous Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), Song: exile (Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver), Trans Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), the exes to lovers no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27824254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojomustlive/pseuds/jojomustlive
Summary: “Oh, I know just the person! Julie Molina’s had a lot of eyes on her now that she’s released her debut album." His manager told him, excitedly.Luke just stared at Reggie, panic clear on both of their faces. They knew once Andi was set on an idea, it was hard to get her to back down, which meant the duet was definitely happening.A duet with his ex-girlfriend. On a break-up song, nonetheless. A break-up song about her, one might add.Yeah, that won’t blow up in his face at all.OrLuke and Julie have to write a duet together and find their way back to each other in the process.
Relationships: (Minor), Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 168
Kudos: 403





	1. picture to burn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ephemeral_Joy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ephemeral_Joy/gifts).



> I dedicate this work to Ephemeral Joy for showing me how well Taylor Swift and JATP work together.
> 
> Work's title is from "This Love" by TS herself.
> 
> Check the end notes of each chapter for references, and thank you for reading!

_“I can see you standing honey_

_With his arms around your body_

_Laughing but the joke’s not funny at all”_

It had been a year, two months, and thirteen days since Julie Molina and Luke Patterson parted ways. It hadn’t been nice, it hadn’t been pretty, and the wound felt as fresh as ever when Nicholas Evans-Danforth came into the picture - quite literally.

The setting of the tabloid pictures that were currently mocking him was fairly unsurprising - an amusement park, one of Julie’s favorite places to be at any given time of the year. Nick himself wasn’t a surprising figure either, they had been good friends for as long as Luke could remember-

_“Nick’s like my older brother,” She told him when they were first introduced back in their early high school days, “he’s probably the only reason I didn’t quit the music program right at the beginning… everything felt so scary!”_

_At that, Luke laughed wholeheartedly. The idea of Julie Molina feeling intimidated by anything music-related could only elicit such a response from him - music was her everything, all she breathed, all she felt, all she saw, all she heard. They understood each other when it came to that._

-but the way he was holding her was certainly new. One hand resting on her hip, while the other tries to fill the space in the small of her back. It doesn’t. Not like Luke’s once did.

The bright, colorful lights wash over her and it’s a true sight to behold - her signature look of a printed tee tied at the waist and washed out jeans with painted doodles of her own creation sprinkled throughout. He can recognize most of them, recalling being there to help wash off the paint from the brushes after she was done with each piece, even. 

She’s laughing, too, a good, genuine laugh, and that alone is almost enough to bring a small smile to his own face. Almost. Seeing her happy was always the fastest way to make _him_ happy - everyone knew that. 

The sight felt foreign to him now, though he knew it wasn’t really.

 _They were spinning around the sparsely decorated living room, minds just fuzzy enough from wine that they could pretend the mountain of boxes sitting in the corner had already been dealt with as they celebrated (if one could call Dollar Tree wine and discount pizza as a celebration) their first evening in_ their _place. Just theirs. No parents, no bandmates, just Julie and Luke in their own little bubble._

_“You can hear it in the silence,” he sang next to her ear, softly and earnestly as he swayed with her from side to side._

_“You can feel it on the way home,” The words had been stuck in his head all day, the song already having a life of its own in his mind._

_“You can see it with the lights out,”_

_There was only one thing missing, the thing that made every song Sunset Curve put out unlike anything else, even in a city so full of musicians with big dreams such as LA: Julie Molina’s input._

_“You are in love, true love” He concluded, final words almost getting cut-off by the soft press of his girlfriend’s lips to his own._

_“You’re a sap, Luke Patterson.” she told him, her smile betraying any bite she intended the remark to have._

_“And you’ll have to deal with it every single day now,” he played along._

_“Oh, the struggle!” she pulled away, feigning distress._

_“Yeah, yeah, I’ll make it up to you.”_

_He pulled her closer once again, capturing her response in his mouth, and didn’t let go until hours later, both tired to the bone and only minutes away from giving into sleep._

_He mindlessly played with her hands, a soft smile refusing to leave his features, when he caught her staring at him sporting an odd expression._

_“What?” he asked softly, followed by a soft kiss pressed to her palm he was still holding._

_“You’re my best friend, you know?” she replied just as softly, eyes sparkling with warmth even as she could barely keep them open from sleepiness._

_“Well, don’t let Flynn know that. She might kill me, you know.” he replied cheekily. She laughed heartily at that, blindly reaching out to smack him on the chest but hitting his shoulder lightly instead._

_A moment of silence, then:_

_“You’re really not gonna say it back?” she asked, and Luke could tell she was trying to sound humorous, but he could also detect the trace of insecurity behind the question._

_He smiled despite himself, scooting closer to her side of the bed to hold her face between his hands and caress her rosy cheeks. He allowed himself a moment to soak in the beauty that laid in front of him, her hair slightly disheveled from their previous activities, the smudge of eyeliner she didn’t quite catch in the shower that accompanied the almond pearls he swore could see down to his very soul at times and her swollen lips that still glistened against the moonlight that peeked through their curtains._

_“You are the love of my life, Julie Molina.” he confessed, finally._

_The smile she gave in return told him everything he needed to know._

He put the picture down with a shuddered breath. _It’s been over a year_ , a voice that sounded very similar to Alex echoed in his mind, _just because you haven’t moved on, doesn’t mean she can’t_.

Knowing that didn’t make his heart ache any less, though.

_“And it took you five whole minutes_

_To pack us up and leave me with it_

_Holdin' all this love out here in the hall”_

He pushed down the image that seemed to persist through every nightmare he’s had over the past year.

_She stood at the very end of the entrance hallway, hand tightly gripping the doorknob. Her flushed, tear-stained face made for great contrast to the party balloons they had yet to take down from Carlos’ birthday extravaganza that had taken place only a few weeks prior._

_He stood on the other extreme, the few feet that laid between them feeling as far as New York was to California. He was paralyzed, any words that might’ve turned the tide rapidly dying on his throat._

_He could only watch as she adjusted her backpack and gave him one last look. Gone was the warm feeling those eyes would bring him - they were devoid of any emotion besides hurt, now._

_She opened her mouth but closed it just as quickly. Any last words she thought he might’ve deserved stayed with her as she closed the door on them for good, not sparing a single glance back at him._

_The silence that followed rang louder than any of her harsh words from earlier could have. There was no life to the apartment, not without Julie in it. He didn’t know if there was much life to him without her, either._

_He’d have to find out now - the realization hit him as thunder roared right above him._

_The sky cried alongside him, his sobs muffled by the heavy rain. He wished, for a moment, that said rain would fill up his lungs until it would overflow - anything to make it feel less hollow._

_He fell asleep on his side of the hallway, foolishly waiting in hopes she’d come back._

She didn’t.

He moved in with Reggie the next day. She stayed with Flynn, or so he’s heard. Maybe that’s changed as well, who knows? Maybe Nick has a spare room.

_“I think I've seen this film before_

_And I didn't like the ending_

_You're not my homeland anymore_

_So what am I defendin' now?_

_You were my town_

_Now I'm in exile seein' you out_

_I think I've seen this film before”_

“That’s very good!” he heard Reggie exclaim as he finished playing, “Very sad, but I suppose that’s standard Luke Patterson writing now.” His best friend’s tone was light, but the _“Do you want to talk about it?”_ that laid underneath it was crystal clear.

“What can I say? Andi did say we should take some inspiration from Lewis Capaldi. Plus, everyone knows break-up songs sell the most.” he replied with an attempt at humor, but he knew the tightness in his voice wouldn’t go unnoticed by the bassist.

“That is a lie and we both know it - we have yet to have any single that tops You Are In Love.”

Right. The song he wrote for her. The song she helped him finish, too, alongside every single other track from the album that launched them into public consciousness. Before she was Julie Molina, star of HGC Records, she was Rose the Petal Pusher, the infamous secret co-writer of Sunset Curve.

He couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering back to the pictures that laid right next to his writing journal, Reggie’s gaze following his own. He watched as realization washed over his roommate’s face. He tried ignoring the look of pity that followed.

“Want to show me how it goes from the beginning?”

Luke never felt more grateful to have a friend like Reggie.

He started off the melody in his guitar, ignoring the (very female, very lovely) voice in the back of his mind that kept telling him the song would work better on a piano. It was a rough version, anyway - the boys could always pitch in on how they think the track should sound.

He allowed himself to get lost in the melody, mind filled to the brink with bittersweet memories mixed in with potential lyrics. His trance was only broken by the addition of a much higher-pitched voice to the room.

“-it will sound so good!” the voice, which Luke now clocked to belonging to Andi, their manager, exclaimed, now looking at him expectantly.

“Huh?”

“The song, silly! I think it has the potential to be a great duet!” Andi repeated, staring at Luke like he was crazy to not be on the same page as her.

“Uh, I suppose? We’d have to ask the boys if they’re interested, though. You know they don’t like to have extensive verses-”

“Luke, sweetie, I don’t think you understand. You have to duet this with a lady. We can get her side of the story too - imagine the contrast of your voices!”

A duet with another artist? With a song this personal? No way.

“Andi, I don’t think that’s a very good idea-” but she wasn’t listening.

“Oh, I know just the person! Julie Molina’s had a lot of eyes on her now that she’s released her debut album. I’m pretty sure I saw The Moment I Knew on iTunes’ first page, so we know her sad shit sells… plus! She’s from a sister label, which makes everything much easier for us. And didn’t you guys write together for Sunset Curve’s last album too? Oh, this is perfect!”

Luke just stared at Reggie, panic clear on both of their faces. They knew once Andi was set on an idea, it was hard to get her to back down, which meant the duet was definitely happening.

A duet with his ex-girlfriend. On a break-up song, nonetheless. A break-up song about her, one might add.

Yeah, that won’t blow up in his face at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs referenced in this chapter:
> 
> Title - Picture to Burn (Taylor Swift)  
> Exile (Taylor Swift & Bon Iver)  
> You Are In Love (Taylor Swift)
> 
> New chapter coming very soon! :D


	2. i put on a mask to go and see you (but i still want you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the support in the first chapter! I love hearing everyone's thoughts and theories, so keep them coming, please!
> 
> Thank you for reading, and enjoy :D

By some miracle (or Andi’s scarily persuasive tactics), he had just received a text confirming that Julie has, in fact, said yes to the collaboration and wants to meet the very next day to start working on lyrics together.

Oh, and did he mention she has heard the rough demo he recorded the day prior before accepting?

“There’s no way she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, right?” is how he starts off the band’s emergency meeting at the Rainbow Abode (aka Alex and Willie’s apartment). There’s no way he can face the disaster that awaits him the next day without some serious moral support from his best friends.

“I mean, would it be the end of the world if she did?” Willie tries reasoning from his quasé-permanent residence in the crook of Alex’s neck on their incredibly nice couch - Luke had helped the couple pick it, knowing nights spent sleeping on it awaited him, and he dares say there are days he preferred it to his own bed.

If he could bring himself to stop pacing around the cramped living room, he might’ve been able to enjoy the fruits from his past choices, but alas, the braincell he shares with Alex extends to more than just their mutual mock-distaste for every version of Home Is Where My Horse Is that ends up in Luke’s writing journal.

“Dude, stop pacing, seriously, you’re making me anxious by proxy.” the blonde complains.

“I can’t, okay?! I haven’t seen or spoken to her in over a year! And she’s moved on! She’s dat-” he falters, eyes downcast “she’s dating Nick and everything. And here I am, exactly the same as she left me.”

“With a million more Instagram followers, give or take.” Reggie shoots back.

Luke scoffs, “Yeah, like that matters.”

“What, you’re gonna say that ‘making it’ as an artist hasn’t changed you one bit?” Alex is the one to ask.

“You know it’s not about that. It doesn’t really matter when-” 

_ When I don’t have her to share it with _ is what he doesn’t say, but everyone in the room can fill in his silence with crystal precision.

“Listen, buddy,” Reggie moves closer to him as he starts talking, hand now squeezing his shoulder in a supportive manner. It helps more than Luke knows how to express, “Regardless of what happened between you two in the past, you’ve always respected each other as artists, right?”

Luke can only nod.

“Then channel all your messy and complicated feelings into the song and turn it into something amazing. It’s what you’ve always excelled at.” his best friend grins widely at him, and he feels his own face mirroring the act.

Reggie pulls him into a hug, and he soon feels two extra pairs of arms snaking around him. In that moment, Luke feels like he could face anything.

-x-

He isn’t ready for the wave of emotions that hits him when she enters the small studio. She looks angelic; a strappy light blue dress accompanied by a delicate white shirt underneath it. The headband that holds her curls in place matches her dress, as it is to be expected from Julie Molina, and amidst the multiple necklaces she always wears, he can see the golden chain that displays her name in cursive as clear as day.

He gulps at the sight, distant memories of him first giving her the necklace back on her quinceñera (yes, he was her escort, no, they didn’t talk about the implications of the role being reserved for boyfriends back then).

“- and I’m sure we’ll have a killer track by the end of the month!” he finally clocks on Andi’s presence in the room as well.

“Yeah, sure.” he ignores the crack on his own voice.

“Alright, then I’ll leave you to it!”, his manager gives them one last look before closing the door behind her.

For a moment, they just stare at each other, neither sure how to proceed. Should he go for a hug? A handshake? Distant wave?

“Can you start by showing me what you got?” she tells him, already sitting down opposite to him on the long table.

Nothing works too, he supposes.

“Yeah I’ll- I’ll just grab my guitar.” Fighting the urge to scratch his neck like the awkward fifteen-year-old talking to the girl he fancied that he feels like (even at the ripe age of twenty-five), Luke plays the first verse and chorus for her.

He winces only once, when the image of Nick’s arms around her body comes to mind once again, and counts that as a win.

Her face remains neutral as he plays, nothing that could tell him whether or not she knows what he’s really talking about. When he finishes playing, she speaks up:

“That’s really good,” she starts off, but he can sense there’s more she wants to say.

“But…?” he offers gently and tries to ignore the ocean of butterflies that washes over him when he sees the corners of her mouth curl up.

“It sounds good with the guitar, don’t get me wrong, but I think it could sound better on the-”

“Piano instead, yeah. I thought the same thing.”

They share a small smile, and the air around them feels a little lighter. 

“Shall we get to work?” she asks, and he doesn’t have it in him to fight the broadening of his grin as he nods in agreement.

-x-

_ “I can see you starin', honey _

_ Like he's just your understudy _

_ Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me _

_ Second, third, and hundredth chances _

_ Balancin' on breaking branches _

_ Those eyes add insult to injury” _

They have been working for hours and hours on the melody. Luke has already ignored over 10 texts from the “The Boyz 😎” (Reggie and Willie came up with it years ago when they found out Julie, Flynn and Carrie had an only-girls group chat and took great offense in it… in the end, it turned out to be more useful than they expected it to be) asking if he was alive or if he’d died from hanahaki disease already (courtesy of his lovely, albeit inconsiderate, roommate), about eight variations of “Please tell us you’re actually okay” from Alex and Willie’s simple, yet effective “lol”.

He doesn’t want to break the great flow they have going - it doesn’t involve that much talking, just a lot of melodies being thrown around until they find something they both like. When he hears her stomach rumble for the third time in less than ten minutes, though, he decides it’s probably time for a breather.

“We should probably take a break,” he offers, “I’m in the mood for some Chinese takeout, you?”

“Hmm, I’m not sure, I’ll check the menu.” She stands up and heads towards the ever-growing paper pile that sits in the corner of his studio. She still knows him too well, and on any other occasion the realization would make his heart skip a beat, but in that moment it only fills him with dread, knowing what sits at the very top of the pile.

It’s impossible not to notice how her movement falters at the sight of it.

“You seem happy together.” he forces out, opting to not beat around the bushes anymore.

She looks back at him for a moment, and he can’t, for the life of him, tell what her eyes are saying.

“Yeah,” she chokes out, sounding as contrived as him. They’re silent for a moment, her search for the takeout menus seemingly forgotten. “Actually, would you mind picking it up for us? I have an idea for the second verse - wouldn't want to lose it.”

He doesn’t bother asking for her order - he knows her favorites by heart. Instead, he only nods, sending _'well, if she didn’t know before, she definitely does now'_ to the group chat on his way out.

It’s a matter of minutes before his phone starts vibrating like crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who didn't get the "Hanahaki Disease" reference: It is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient’s throat will fill up with flower, they will then proceed to throw, and cough up the petals, (sometimes even the flowers). One of the only ways for the disease to ‘disappear’ is if, the said person returns the feeling (it can’t be resolved with friendship, it has to be genuine feelings of love). The infection can also be removed through surgery, though the feelings disappear along with the petals. If they choose nether options, or the feeling is not returned in time, then the patient’s lungs will fill up with flowers, and will eventually suffocate. (According to Urban Dictionary)
> 
> It's an anime thing and Reggie/Jeremy are definitely anime stans, so I had to include it lol
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter:
> 
> Title: The Truth Untold (BTS)  
> Exile (Taylor Swift, Bon Iver)


	3. i see both sides like chanel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved this chapter in particular, and I think you'll understand why.
> 
> Enjoy!

“I don’t know, I think this whole thing is very Rumours of you two.”

“Alex, Julie and I are not Fleetwood Mac.” Luke deadpans.

“I’m sorry, are you or are you not writing about your failed relationship in a song you will sing  _ together _ ?” Alex shoots back, a single eyebrow raised at him like does whenever he thinks Luke is being dumb (which is: very often).

“We don’t  _ know _ for sure that she’s talking about me.” Luke retorts weakly.

“Even you are not this dense, come on, Lucas. She even mentioned your puppy eyes.”

“For the last time, I do not have puppy eyes!”

“Hmm you kinda do, though.” Reggie says as he returns from the living room, hands full of cinnamon rolls. (Luke called it cannibalism but was pointedly ignored.)

“Not you talking, Reginald!”

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger!” the bassist emphasizes his message by crouching behind the couch, tray of baked goods being precariously saved by Alex’s quick reflexes.

Rolling his eyes at his best friend’s antics, Luke drops down onto the couch in defeat and sighs.

“She could barely look me in the eye when she sang,” he admits, “and she left right after, too.” 

“I mean, it mustn’t have been easy for her to be vulnerable like that considering how much… history you two have.” the blonde offers alongside some vague hand gestures to represent said ‘history’, hand finding Luke’s own to squeeze in support right after.

“I just don’t want to screw things over any further.” he confesses with a sniffle, voice tired and small.

“Just give her space, yeah?” Alex says, giving his hand another squeeze. He feels Reggie scooting closer too, draping his arm around Luke’s shoulders in a side hug. He gives Alex an affirmative hum, and hopes in his heart that it’ll be enough for her.

-x-

So, over the following week, he gives her space. When they trade lyrical ideas, he doesn’t press for details (not that he would have, anyways - they’ve always shared things only when they were ready, an unspoken rule of sorts), only giving her his honest thoughts to whether or not they’d work in the context of the song. She does the same to him, even if at times they both take some sharper breaths when the lyrics cut too close to reality.

They aren’t friends again, per say, but they are… friendly. Luke has stopped feeling like he’s walking on eggshells during every single one of their conversations, so he allows himself to relax around her a bit more. 

They joke around more, too, bonding over how many different types of takeout they can possibly try out before they finish the song. It is a good distraction, even if a bit impersonal - he takes consolation in the fact she still judges his food choices as harshly as before, and has no qualms in telling him how disgusting she finds every single one of them.

_ “It should be an actual crime to add peanut butter to a taco, Lucas.” she told him one day, face contorted in disgust. _

_ “It takes very refined taste buds to appreciate the masterpiece I’ve created, alright? You’re just not up to the standard.” he bragged, jokingly. _

_ “Boy, Flynn was right - when you create a world, you really live in it.” _

_ He laughed, biting back the comment about how much he missed the girl that was on the tip of his tongue. _

Today, feeling particularly cheerful that they managed to complete the first version of the melody, they decide it is the perfect moment to try out the new Star Wars themed restaurant downtown, even if they have to take the car out for it.

He has to bite back a smile when he sees her reaction to his automobile. It isn’t the fanciest in the market, not by a long shot, but still a huge improvement from the old van they had to drag around with all the band equipment up until last year.

He makes a show out of opening the sunroof, getting a big laugh out of her. Igniting the car, he reaches for the radio, but she quickly slaps his hand away.

“No, I get radio privileges.” she tells him mischievously.

“Since when?” he asks, amused.

She only looks at him and, yeah, fair enough.

She turns on her favorite pop station (forgoing any mention to the fact it’s marked as a favorite on the device), and a familiar voice fills up the car.

_ “Didn't they tell us don't rush into things? _

_ Didn't you flash your hazel eyes at me? _

_ Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile? _

_ Ooh, didn't it all seem new and exciting? _

_ I felt your arms twisting around me _

_ It's all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind” _

Julie’s eerily quiet. So is he.

_ “Oh, darling, we found Wonderland _

_ You and I got lost in it _

_ And we pretended it could last forever, eh, eh _

_ We found Wonderland _

_ You and I got lost in it _

_ And life was never worse but never better, eh, eh _

_ (Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh) in Wonderland” _

Luke scoffs quietly (“never worse”, seriously? Did they really live through the same shit?), but not quiet enough that Julie misses it. She turns to face him, clearly annoyed.

“What, are the lyrics not good enough for Mr. Platinum Record over here?” she asks angrily.

“Just not exactly how I remember things.” he retorts, not exactly kindly. _  
_ _ “I reached for you _

_ But you were gone _

_ I knew I had to go back home _

_ You search the world for something else _

_ To make you feel like what we had _

_ And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad” _

The bridge only serves to annoy him further. It seems to affect her too, if the redness covering her entire face is anything to go by.

“Of course  _ you _ would remember things differently. Typical.” she fires back, venom dripping from her words.

“What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean?!” he asks indignantly.

She stares at him as the chorus repeats one last time, but gives no reply until they’re already on their way out of the car and into the restaurant.

“You’re not as perceptive as you think, Patterson.” she tells him at last.

Lunch is a quiet affair.

-x-

The following day, she’s late.

It usually wouldn’t be a big deal, Luke himself being the one to struggle with tardiness the most out of anyone in the group, but, well, him and Julie aren’t  _ fighting _ per say after what went down the day before, but they aren’t exactly cool either.

And, to be fair, he feels like there are enough pent up emotions there for his on-edge behavior to be justified.

Exactly an hour and seventeen minutes into his impromptu jamming session, she shows up, slightly out of breath.

“Well, look at who decided to grace us with her presence! Welcome back, your highness.” he exclaims, his irony seemingly not welcome considering the way Julie raises her eyebrow at the boy, completely unimpressed.

“Sorry I’m late. I got caught up with something.” she explains vaguely.

“Ah, yes, I’m sure Nick’s been keeping you really busy.” the comment is out of line, he knows it is as soon as it leaves his mouth, but can’t exactly take it back either. More pictures of the two were circulating online last night, and Luke had only so much self-control before he caved and spent the rest of the night looking through the articles on LA’s possible new it-couple.

He sees her pulling the journal towards herself, angrily writing something before throwing it back in his direction.

“I’m gonna get some coffee to give you some time to remember what boundaries are.” she says, heading for the door once again, “And, since it seems to matter so much, Patterson, Nick and I really are just friends. If you stopped being a needlessly insecure, self-centered  _ prick _ for a second, maybe you’d realize Carrie’s been posting pictures of their dates on her private account for months already.” she spats at last, leaving a stunned Luke behind.

If his jaw could physically hit the floor, it would have. He reaches for the journal, opening it to the last page used.

_ “I think I've seen this film before _

_ And I didn't like the ending _

~~_You're not my homeland anymore_~~ _I'm not your problem anymore_

 ~~ _So what am I defendin' now?_~~ _So who am I offending now?_

_ You were my crown _

_ Now I'm in exile seein' you out _

_ I think I've seen this film before _

Yeah, he deserved that.

-x-

She doesn’t take long to come back, which he takes as a good sign. Without looking up from his notes, he slides over a ripped page from the journal over to her side of the table. 

It’s a drawing of him on his knees with a dialogue balloon that says “Sorry the song should’ve been called ‘My name is Richard’ instead”. It’s objectively shitty, but, hey, he never claimed to be Picasso.

“As an artist and a comedian you sure are a great songwriter.” she deadpans, but he can see the corners of her mouth curling up, “At least you put some effort in the handwriting - it’s almost legible this time.”

“You’re fluent in Luke-writing already, Jules.”

“It comes with the job.” she relents with a sigh, but her smile betrays any real annoyance the phrase could have carried. “Plus, Richard would be a terrible chosen name - what would I call you? Ricky? Because I don’t know in what dystopian society it was decided that Dick is an appropriate nickname.”

“You’re just saying that because you helped me choose it.” he retorts, showing her his tongue.

“It’s not my fault you had Luke Skywalker energy!”

“I really didn’t, we just both had a crush on him.” she laughs, but doesn’t deny it.

“Alright, boss, let’s work on that rewrite now.”

Instead of sitting opposite to him, she slides onto the chair directly next to him, their arms close enough that he can feel her warmth radiating around him.

He can’t hold his smile back this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs referenced in this chapter:  
> Title: Chanel (Frank Ocean)  
> Wonderland (Taylor Swift)  
> Exile (Taylor Swift, Bon Iver)  
> My Name Is Luke (Sunset Curve)
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments, and thank you for reading!


	4. we keep this love in a photograph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! This chapter has one of my favorite flashback scenes, so I'm excited to have everyone finally read it.
> 
> Enjoy!

They’ve been working on the bridge for way too long, now. It’s closing on 10 pm, but neither of them seems too keen on giving up just yet. They’re almost there, he knows it… they just need to find the missing piece.

The wall-light that works as a doorbell for the studio flickers, followed by the entrance of a familiar, yet tired-looking, man in a janitor uniform to the room.

“Hey, Mr. Jones! How’s little Mari?” Luke greets him cheerfully, even though he has a pretty good guess to the news the man comes bearing.

“Already asking if uncle Luke is gonna play at her birthday party again next year, even though it’s literally 10 months away still.” Mr. Jones tells him, tone dripping in exasperated fondness for his daughter. 

Luke laughs, mind flooding with memories from Mariana’s Rapunzel themed birthday a couple of months prior. She had requested he dressed as Flynn Ryder so they could match, and together they played a rendition of I See The Light, alongside some other Disney tunes they both loved.

His favorite part, though, had been Reggie and Alex’s efforts to match the party theme as well - Reggie dressing up as Pascal (green atoxic paint to his face and all) and Alex’s poor attempt at looking like Maximus.

_ “Hey, at least you got the nose right.” Luke snickered. _

_ “Oh shut up, Mr. Fake Beard!” Alex exclaimed, and Luke only laughed harder. _

“You can tell her I’ll start working on our next costume soon.” he tells Mr. Jones.

“Be careful with what you wish for, kid, she wants to do Frozen next year.”

“Then tell her I call dibs on Elsa.” he says with a smile.

“I think Alex might fight you for that spot.” Julie joins the conversation, and they all laugh at the truthness in her statement. “Besides, you channel Kristoff’s himbo energy too well for us to completely ignore it.”

He laughs and decides he’ll just google what on earth is a himbo later.

“Alright, kid, you know the drill. I gotta close things up here.” the janitor tells him, and Luke nods, having been through this whole thing enough times by now.

“You got it, sir. We’ll be right out.” He sees Julie nod alongside him from the corner of his eye.

Mr. Jones leaves them to it, and he starts collecting his things, but he can see Julie’s still staring at the music sheet with a frown that seemed like a part of her outfit for the day from how constant it’s been.

He considers for a moment whether he should be an impulsive bitch or not.

“We could go try and finish this up at your place.” he offers.

_ (You can guess what he chose.) _

Julie looks confused. “I mean, I’d offer, but it’d keep Reggie up and you know how grumpy he gets, plus it’s his place so-”

“Wait, you didn’t stay at the apartment? Why? I-” she clears her throat before continuing, voice noticeably smaller, “I left it for you.”

“It didn’t feel right without… you know.” 

_ (You in it.) _

He ignores the hotness creeping up his neck and forces his eyes to look at anything but her.

“Well, we can’t go to Flynn’s either, she has to be up pretty early to meet with a client.” he hears her say.

“You’re still staying at her place? Doesn’t she have just one room?” the question is out before he can stop it.

“So does Reggie.” she points out, and he refrains from saying anything back.

Could it actually mean something, that she hasn’t looked for a place to call her own yet?

Is she hoping to go back to the apartment she loved so much, with her reading nook that still has her favorite chair in the world, the crafts room in which the sun hits just right to make everything look pretty and dry faster... and their room, too, alongside all the memories they created there?

Is she waiting to go home just like him?

“We  _ could _ go to the apartment,” he admits quietly.

“What?”

“Everything’s still there,” he confesses, “we could probably use some snacks, though.” he goes for a laugh, but it sounds strained.

“Okay.” she concedes, but he can’t decipher the look she’s giving him - it seems to be the norm nowadays.

They stop at 7/11 for some snacks before taking the familiar path to the place they once called home.

It’s weird, being back like this. The place looks exactly like how he left it, if a bit too dusty for his taste. Though the balloons, that looked so big and extravagant (and like they would take forever to take down) when he left, have all, unsurprisingly, deflated, flapping around unceremoniously from the wind coming from outside. It feels like a pretty good metaphor for the past year, if he’s being honest.

“Huh, guess we could’ve reutilized the banner this year,” is the first thing he hears her say. 

He refrains from mentioning that not even three weeks ago she wouldn’t have set foot in this place if someone paid her.

He takes one last look around, smiling slightly at the framed picture of the two of them at their first Pride parade. 

_ They were seventeen and had the pimples and awkward haircuts to prove it.  _

_ Luke had his arm around her petite shoulders, his other hand gripping tightly to the light blue, pink and white flag he had purchased earlier that day, while Julie had hot pink, purple and blue covering one of her cheeks, with a shitton of glitter to match. He smiled widely, letting the happiness he felt inside pour out. _

_ Alex gave them a thumbs up, letting them know he had gotten a good picture. Reluctantly, he let his arm fall from Julie’s shoulders, already missing the contact. _

_ His disappointment didn’t last, though, as he felt his fingers being intertwined to hers not even a moment later. Even with all the loud music and screams around them, Luke feared for a second that the girl would be able to hear just how loud his heart was beating because of it. _

_ Their eyes met as she entered his personal space, and he didn’t bother masking his content smile. He could watch the sparkle in her eyes for days on end and offer detailed notes for each of them, for they always told him something new. He had heard people say the eyes were the gates to a person’s soul, and, when it came to Julie Molina, he felt like that was definitely true - everything he needed to know, her almond chocolate orbs would find a way to tell him. _

_ If there was one thing that could distract him away from her eyes, though, that would be her lips. And, boy, were they distracting that afternoon, the faint smell of her cherry lip gloss (the same one she asked him to keep safe in his pocket before they joined the parade earlier that day) reaching his nostrils from how close she was. _

_ There was a spec of misplaced glitter right on the corner of her mouth. Without even thinking about it, he cupped her chin with his free hand, thumb carefully dusting off the shiny particle from her smooth skin.  _

_ Her lips parted in surprise at the action, eyes wide as well. He chuckled lightly.  _

_ “You had some glitter in your face.” he told her, knowing full well it didn’t explain why his hand was still up, cupping her entire left cheek instead, thumb still caressing her features delicately. He didn’t miss how she leaned into the touch, either. _

_ Almost unconsciously, he inched his head closer to hers, eyes moving upward to look at her own in hopes of a positive reaction. Her eyes, in contrast, went down, most definitely looking at his own (also cherry-colored) lips. _

_ She moved an inch closer, and as he moved to close the gap- _

_ “Come on, we have to find Alex’s skater boy again!” they heard Flynn scream with Reggie at her heels, and they both jumped back in surprise. _

_ "We're coming!" she told her best friend, t _ _ hen looked back at him, smiling apologetically. _

_ “Later”, she mouthed. _

_ He felt the corners of his mouth curling back up. With her hand holding his once again, they ran after Alex’s crush.  _

_ His moment with Julie would come eventually, he was sure of it. _

_ They had all the time in the world to get there. _

“Luke, you there?” she snaps him back to reality.

He nods with fervor.

“Sorry, you know how I get sometimes.”

She only nods slightly, already brushing off his odd behavior.

They get to work.

-x-

Their yawns just keep getting bigger and more frequent, but they’re still not satisfied with the bridge.

“I don’t get-” she pauses as another yawn hits her, “it, the lyrics are fine but they’re not… they’re not hitting the mark.”

He nods in agreement, and feels another yawn rising in him. Disappointed, he tells her it’s probably time they call it quits today.

“Besides, I don’t think we’re gonna get anything remotely legible at-” he takes a look at his phone, wincing at the thread of texts from a worried Reggie he should definitely get to, “almost 3:30 in the morning.”

They both know it’d be pointless to head back to their respective places so late if they really want to spare their friends. It seems to hit them at the same time, though, that there’s only one bed in the apartment, since her crafts room took up the space they had for a guest bedroom.

“I’ll take the couch!” he blurts out before things can get (more) awkward.

“You hate the couch,” she points out, eyebrow raised, “You kept saying we should’ve gotten the same one Alex and Willie did.”

Luke doesn’t know what to think - is she offering to take the couch instead? Saying they should say ‘fuck it’ and share the bed?

It’s too late to be thinking this hard about anything, let alone something like this.

“I’ll take the couch.” he repeats with finality.

He has to be imagining the look of slight disappointment reflecting in her eyes.

-x-

He stumbles back to Reggie’s the next morning to deliver apology muffins (a long-standing tradition amongst the trio whenever they make an oopsie that definitely could have been avoided) and a much-needed shower.

He has to pretend to be surprised to find a familiar extra pair of heads sharing a pie with his roommate over the dinner table.

“Well look who it is-” Willie begins.

“The worst texter in the world, some may call him-” Reggie continues, trying to look pissed off but in reality just looking like an angry kitten.

“That’s a cute outfit, Luke, is ‘walk of shame’ back in fashion?” Alex concludes with a snicker.

“Okay, first of all, Reggie I’m sorry I made you worry last night, I got distracted-” he elbows Alex when he mock-whispers  _ “I think we all know what distracted him, alright.”  _ to Willie.

“-and didn’t think to take my phone off of silent mode,” he concludes with a squeeze to his roommate’s shoulder and offers him the muffin box. They share a smile when the boy notices he got him all his favorites. 

“Now, second of all, fuck you,” he gestures to all three men sitting, “All of you. It’s not what it looks like.” he tells them, eyes narrow.

Alex is the first one to cackle, loudly.

“I’m sorry, how else are we supposed to interpret ‘ _ slept with julie at the apartment, will be back for breakfast _ ’?”

“Okay so maybe I could have worded it a little better, but my point still stands-”

“Dude, can you really blame us for assuming the inevitable happened? We all knew it was just a matter of time, though Flynn and I did expect it to take y’all more than, what? A week and a half? Anyways-” Reggie comes to an abrupt stop when Alex visibly kicks his shin under the table.

_ “Cut it out! _ ” he hears the blonde whisper.

“What do you mean by ‘the inevitable’? And what does Flynn have to do with any of this?” he asks, confused.

“Come on, Luke, why would Jules say yes to the duet if she still wanted nothing to do with you?” Reggie persists.

“Because it’s a good opportunity for her career-wise? Because the song has potential? Because Andi is high-key scary when she wants something from you?” he lists, sounding more exasperated the longer he goes for.

“Luke.” is all Alex says, ‘Luke is being an idiot’ face in full display.

“Just because I was wrong about the Nick thing and she can stand to be in the same room as me again doesn’t mean she wants me back, alright?” he tells them firmly, “And I won’t push for it, either. I think it’s quite clear how I feel, anyway - guys who have moved on don’t go around writing ‘Exile’.” 

The last part comes out a bit lamer than he hoped for, but, well, it’s not like it’s not accurate.

And he means what he’s saying, he really does. His heart just has a hard time catching up to his head sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I say Alex's poor attempt at a Maximus costume, this is what I mean .
> 
> Songs referenced in this chapter:  
> Title: Photograph (Ed Sheeran)
> 
> Thank you for reading, and let me know what you think in the comments!


	5. you're my tear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some answers, some more questions, and quite a few tears.
> 
> Enjoy!

They take to going to the apartment whenever they want an inspiration boost, as well as nights where words just seem to be pouring out of them. 

Andi and the rest of the execs don’t really care  _ where _ they write as long as they sporadically show progress, and there seems to be something akin to magical about the place, bringing out the best, most poetic verses out of both of them.

Of course, not everything they come up with necessarily fits Exile’s theme and overall mood, and they’re not trying to create Bohemian Rhapsody 2.0 either, so what ends up happening is the birth of many other songs along the way. 

They don’t complete any of them just yet, an unspoken agreement that they should finish Exile before they get to anything else. It feels like spring in September, though, each song blooming like a garden of beautiful, colorful dahlias.

When he tells her something similar (aka the same thing but trying to make it sound less cheesy) she points out that dahlias actually bloom from midsummer to fall. 

Whatever. His point still stands.

He’s making music, beautiful, happy music again. The weather outside gets colder as each day goes by, but his heart feels warmer with every stolen glance, every shared smile, every note they hit together - they’re in perfect harmony once again.

For real, though, when did it get so cold? They live in California, he was promised the ability to wear shirtless sleeves on Christmas, goddammit!

“Alright, my handwriting is reaching Luke-levels of bad from all the shaking. I don’t even care that I’m caving to LA levels of cold, I’m getting us some blankets.”

She stands up, shivering once more before heading towards the bedroom.

Ignoring the muffled sound of something falling in the closet (what he doesn’t know can’t worry him), he continues to pluck on the guitar strings, looking for a melody for the lyrics that have been swimming around his mind all day.

“ _ -that we’re standing on the edge of something big, something crazy, our best days are yet unknown _ \- are you okay, Jules?”

He can’t help but ask, noticing how red her eyes look compared to before.

“Just peachy!” she tells him, voice pitched high as she hands him a blanket, “I’m in the mood for some sandwiches, don’t you want some sandwiches? I’ll make us some sandwiches.”

She bolts to the kitchen before he can even think of a proper response.

“I want eggs on mine!” he belts out, delayed.

“I refuse to put peanut butter and eggs together, Lucas!” she yells back, sounding a bit more like her regular self again.

He wants to ask, but is it even his place to do so? He doesn’t have the best track record understanding ‘boundaries’, or so she keeps telling him.

He should give her space, then, right?

Right. Boundaries.

He diverts his attention to the blanked instead, unfolding it only to find a nasty rip on one of the sides. He jumps from his spot on the sofa and heads to the room to switch it for another one.

And that’s when he sees it.

A purple, velvet box sitting right on top of the dresser.

Oh, right.

That.

_ “It’s very rude that you expect me to keep something this big all to myself, Patterson!” he heard Flynn say for the fifth time that day. _

_ “Would you have preferred I  _ didn’t _ ask for your help?” he asked humorously. _

_ “Don’t be silly.” she deadpanned, “Without me, you’d probably drop the question with a ring pop.” _

_ “I resent that.”  _

_ “I’ve known you for eight years, Luke, we both know you  _ would _ do that.” _

_ “She’d find it charming! Plus, it’d save us a good few hundred bucks.” he relented. _

_ Flynn stared at him, exasperated. _

_ “You are not using her sweet tooth as an excuse! And you are not talking about saving money when you’ve just signed an album deal, no sir.” _

_ He was jumping on his seat at the mere thought of the album. They had so many songs to choose from, years of work piled up and just waiting to be heard by the rest of the world. _

_ “Do you mind if we stop at Bobby’s on the way back? I gotta get all the journals from his place so we can start picking which songs are gonna make the cut.” he asked as they parked in front of the antique shop. _

_ “Sure, but only if you promise me Crooked Teeth will  _ not _ make the cut. I can only be the peacemaker of so many arguments between Alex and Reggie.” she shuddered at the memory. _

_ “Just between us, though, who is it about?” she asked, brown eyes full of curiosity right before they entered the shop. _

_ “That’s a secret that will die with me.” he boasted, laughing at the roll of his friend’s eyes. _

_ To Luke, it had never been a question of whether or not he would propose to Julie, only a matter of when. Now, with a decent record deal signed to his name and Julie’s steady flow of writing royalties guaranteeing dinner on the table every night, he felt more confident to ask her to take the next step on their relationship. _

_ He knew that, technically, not much would change. They had been living together for over a year already, since Julie had graduated college the year prior, and their relationship had been going smoothly for almost six years. But between knowing you wanna share your life with someone, get a house, adopt a couple of kids and tour together until you’re gray and old and outright telling them that… yeah, it felt like a big moment. _

_ Knowing how much his girlfriend liked to take vintage things and make them her own, it had been a no-brainer decision to look around pawn and antique shops for a ring. He’d been to this particular one a couple of times already, accompanied by Julie herself, so he was hopeful he’d find something that spoke to him there. _

_ And, surprisingly, it didn’t take long at all for him to find the one. Amongst the dozen or so rings the elderly shop owner possessed, laid a gold band with three diamond-shaped stones, one in deep, vibrant blue, the middle one in royal purple and the last one in blushing pink. _

_ It was simple, it was elegant, and most importantly: it was Julie through and through.  _

_ He didn’t even have to ask for Flynn's opinion, he heard her squeal loud and clear when he took a closer look at the ring. He apologized to the owner, who dismissed it immediately, laughing. _

_ “That’s the reaction a ring should get, son.” _

_ He tried not to wince at being called ‘son’ for the first time in a good few years. Ray only ever called him ‘mijo’, and his parents, well… you know. _

_ He offered a tight smile to the man, asking him to get the ring fitted to Julie’s size promptly. _

_ Not a moment later, Flynn pulled him into a tight hug, smiling widely. He bent down to make up for their difference in height, hooking his chin to her shoulder lightly. _

_ “I’d give you a shovel talk, but I think if you hurt Jules no one would beat you up more for it than yourself.” she told him, and he tried nodding, though his position made it difficult. _

_ “You guys are going to be so happy,” she choked out, sniffling. _

_ “Are you crying on me, Flynn?” he asked, patting her head in faux comfort. _

_ “No, I’m just thinking about how Maya hasn’t texted me today.” _

_ “Aw, how dare she do that to the second most beautiful girl in LA?”  _

_ “Second, my ass.” the short girl shoved his arm in retaliation. It barely moved, but it’s the thought that counts, right? _

_ “For real, though, I love you both so much,” she told him, squeezing his shoulder lightly, “And I’m calling dibs on your first kid’s middle name.” _

_ Luke only laughed, though, knowing Flynn, she’d get her way in the end. _

_ They left the antique shop soon after, ring safely stored, per his request, in a purple velvet box inside his pocket. _

_ He ignited the car and Flynn was quick to turn the old van’s radio on, their demo track ‘Long Weekend’ playing at full volume. They sang along excitedly, the song being one of Flynn’s personal favorites. _

_ The jamming session was interrupted by 'I’m Not Afraid' by Holland (Alex’s ringtone) loudly playing from his phone. Handing out his phone to Flynn, he kept his eyes focused on the road. _

_ “What’s up?” he opened with. _

_ “Why did I just find out through Twitter of all places that Bobby Wilson is the newest artist signed to Covington Records?” came Alex, anger exploding from his tone even through the subpar speakers from his phone. _

_ The car came to an abrupt stop. _

_ “I’m sorry, WHAT?!” he asked, loud and confused. _

_ “And you’ll never guess his first single.” Alex continued. _

_ “No way.” was all he managed to say, mind still spinning to make sense of the whole thing. _

_ “Long Weekend,” Flynn was the one to tell him, disbelief clear in her tone. Her fingers typed fast as she tried to find everything she could on the matter, “It’s supposed to come out this weekend, with a music video and everything.” _

_ Luke gripped onto the steering wheel tightly, knuckles turning white. _

_ The notebooks. Bobby had them all. _

_ He took a deep breath, trying to hold onto the last shred of sanity the situation was allowing him. _

_ “It was about Bobby,” he barked out, “Crooked Teeth. It was about this fucker.” _

Needless to say, proposal plans went on the backburner for a while. And then they broke up, which kind of put a damper on the whole “spending eternity together” thing.

Now, he doesn’t know how to interpret her reaction - were her eyes red from good tears? Bad tears? Regret tears? Neutral tears? Are neutral tears even a thing?

Does it even matter at this point?

He retrieves back to the living room, and finds it hard to not smile at the sight that welcomes him: she’s curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around her head and covering the rest of her petite body, only one arm peeping out so she can hold her sandwich without making a mess.

And if there’s one he missed acutely in the year without her, it was to get to be present in moments like this, where all her walls are down and Julie allows herself to just exist, without feeling like she has to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders constantly.

He sits down beside her, taking notice of the song that plays softly from the TV for the first time. It’s in Korean (he blames Alex for feeding into her K-pop phase in High School), but he remembers the lyrics to this particular song by heart. It always spoke to him, though he never quite understood why.

_ “We walked towards the same place _

_ But this place becomes our last _

_ Although we used to talk about forever _

_ Now we break each other without mercy _

_ Although we thought that we dreamed the same dream _

_ That dream has finally become just that _

_ My heart is torn, so please burn it instead _

_ So that pain and regret, none of that would be left” _

He gulps. 

She hands him his sandwich. 

It has peanut butter and eggs.

He smiles.

“You got it right,” he tells her happily.

“You did too,” he hears her say and frowns, confused. It can’t be about what he thinks it is, right?

“The ring, I mean,” she clarifies, “It’s very pretty. Very...” she pauses for a moment, collecting her thoughts, “...me. It’s very me.”

She concludes, a sad smile dancing on her lips, and he gapes at her. Can’t do anything else but gape, really.

“I’m. Uh. I’m glad?” it comes out as more of a question than an affirmative, but it’ll have to suffice. 

They both find their sandwiches incredibly fascinating all of the sudden.

_ “You're my tear _

_ You're my, you're my tear _

_ You're my fear _

_ You're my, you're my fear _

_ What more can I say? _

_ You're my…” _

“You wanna help me write a song about Bobby?” he hears himself say before his inner thoughts have even been fully processed.

“Sure?” she relents, looking a bit confused at the sudden change of topic. They’re not as unrelated as she thinks, but now is not the time to get into all that.

“It’s just- the guys are saying the other person is the one who tore them apart as well as the reason for their tears, right?” she nods, looking intrigued, “That’s pretty powerful, right? Tears are a powerful thing! So what if every tear you spill for someone was retributed somehow like-”

“-like it ricocheted?” she finishes his thought, and he could swear he falls in love with her all over again.

The way she understands him, the way their minds  _ connect _ \- there’s truly nothing else that could even compare.

“YES!” he yells in excitement and sees her smile at his enthusiasm.

“ _ We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean _

_ Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring _

_ You know I didn't want to have to haunt you _

_ But what a ghostly scene _

_ You wear the same jewels that I gave you _

_ As you bury me _

_ I didn't have it in myself to go with grace _

_ 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave _

_ And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? _

_ Cursing my name, wishing I stayed _

_ Look at how my tears ricochet _

_ And I can go anywhere I want _

_ Anywhere I want, just not home _

_ And you can aim for my heart, go for blood _

_ But you would still miss me in your bones _

_ And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) _

_ And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)” _

The song comes to life in what feels like minutes.

Admittedly, more than a few tears are spilled as they coax the verses into coming to life but, regardless of any awkwardness that might have arisen from the incident earlier that night, Julie holds his hand through every word, wiping every droplet from his cheeks with the same care the Julie from a year and a half ago would have.

In the end, he feels like a weight has finally been lifted from his chest. He has said his piece; he gets to move on, now. 

For real this time.

Sleep on the uncomfortable couch comes easy that night, and not just because he feels a familiar pair of hands softly running her fingers through his hair right before giving into his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, it felt very big brain of me to connect Tear to My Tears Ricochet. I hope y'all appreciated that too, lol
> 
> Songs referenced in this chapter:
> 
> Edge Of Great (JATP)  
> I'm Not Afraid (Holland) - kudos if you got why I added this one here!  
> Outro:Tear (BTS)  
> My Tears Ricochet (Taylor Swift)
> 
> Let me know your thoughts in the comments :)


	6. relight that spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll love me, but you'll hate me for this one...
> 
> Second to last chapter!
> 
> Enjoy ;)

A week later, late into the breezy afternoon, Julie gets a call from Flynn and he can hear her excitement even without her being on speaker.

“I got WHAT?” Julie asks, and all he hears from the other side are more screams, but apparently, it makes sense for the girl next to him, who lets out a happy squeal of her own, and starts jumping around the living room looking positively delighted.

“What happened, what did you get??” he asks, confused but smiling too. Her happiness is contagious, what can he do?

“Wake Up entered the Hot 100, Luke!” she tells him, tears rolling freely down her cheeks.

He belts out a celebration of his own, joy overriding his entire system at the news. He knows how long she’s dreamed of a day like this, and he’s so grateful that, despite everything, he still gets to be a part of this moment.

“I’m so proud of you, Jules,” he tells her sincerely, ignoring how moist his eyes feel, “You’ve earned this, 100%.”

She smiles at him, and it’s so reminiscent of the ways she’d smile at him before that he struggles to catch his breath for a moment.

“Thank you, Luke.” she tells him softly.

“You know what, we can finish this later. We’re celebrating tonight!” he jumps from one foot to the other, energy bursting through all of him.

She laughs at his excitement, “Alright, what are we going, Static Shock?”

“You tell me, Hot 100 Singer Julie Molina.”

“I see that’ll be a thing from now on, huh?”

“Oh, it most certainly will be.”

In the end, Hot 100 Singer Julie Molina tells him all she wants is a delicious meal that’ll give her a food baby. He’s more than happy to oblige.

“Can we go to Mofongos?” she quietly asks when they reach the car, and he has to bite back his grin. Somethings really don’t ever change.

As long as he can remember, Mofongos has been Julie’s favorite restaurant in all of LA-

_ “It’s the only one that gets puerto-rican food right!” she claimed when he was first taken to the place. _

_ “You’re just saying that because their food tastes like mine, mija.” Rose retorted amusedly, eyeing her daughter with fondness. _

_ “Well, if it really does taste anything like Rose’s cooking, then I know we’re in for a treat.” he added, ignoring Julie’s whispered “Kiss-ass”. _

_ “That we are, mijo.” Ray agreed, and he tried to not smile too wide at being called that. _

_ “Alright, let’s go inside before all the food’s over.” Carlos complained, already standing by the restaurant’s door. He felt his best friend capturing his hand in hers, pulling him inside. _

_ He went along easily, ‘cause there was nowhere else he’d rather be than with his second family celebrating the first time his performance with Julie at the Winter Showcase. _

The car ride is silent, his writing partner clearly deep in her own thoughts. Only when they’re already sitting down and looking through the menu he breaks said silence.

“What’s on your mind?” he prods gently.

It takes her a while to reply.

“I just wish I could tell her about it,” she confesses quietly, no need to clarify who she’s talking about. “Especially with this one. I wish she could know her words are being heard, you know?”

“She knows,” he tells her firmly, “From up there, she knows. And she’s  _ so proud _ , Jules.”

The girl gives him a watery smile, reaching out to squeeze his hand briefly.

“Thank you…” she trails off, and he can tell there’s more she wants to say.

“Come on, I know that look - tell me what you’re thinking about.” 

“I just- I don’t get why you won’t reach out to them.”

He frowns. Do they really have to go there right now?

“Jules, can’t we talk about something else-” he tries interfering, but she’s not having it.

“No, Luke, come on. You were there when I wrote Soon You’ll Get Better, and when I had to scrap it, too.” she quickly wipes a stray tear away from her cheek, “You know how I’d give anything to talk to her again, even just once! And your mom is literally one phone call away!” she sounds almost angry now, leaving Luke completely stunned.

“And you’ve made it! You could retire now and live comfortably for the rest of your days already. Isn’t that what worried her more than anything? That we’d both starve on the streets if we didn’t get a regular nine-to-five?”

“Jules you know there was more to it-”

“Of course there was more to it, there always is. But you know what I mean, Luke. Give her a chance to be proud of you, please. You never know when that chance could get ripped away from you.”

She lets go of his hand (he hadn’t realized she was still holding it) in favor of searching for some Kleenex inside her purse.

“I’ll think about it.” he promises her right as a waiter approaches them for orders.

They keep their topics lighter for the rest of the night.

-x-

One too many strawberry  _ pitorros _ later, Luke’s dragging a drunk, but very happy, Julie back to his car.

“It’s totally fine!” she tells him, words slurring slightly, “Dad won’t mind I’m a little tipsy. I wanna see him! Gotta tell him-” a hiccup, “-the news!”

He holds back his amusement, not wanting to fuel her antics further.

“Alright, I’ll drop you off, but if he asks I had nothing to do with your three  _ pitorros _ .”

She waves him off dismissively, cuddling further into the passenger seat as he tries to buckle her seatbelt.

“Dad knows you always take care of me,” she scrunches her nose, pensive, “Well, most times, anyway.”

He frowns at the latter addition but knows it’ll be pointless to ask her in her current state.

They pull up at the Molina household not too long after and he gets out first to help her out of the car. He makes sure she doesn’t trip on the small staircase leading to the front door and rings the doorbell, waiting for the familiar noise of footsteps approaching the entrance.

Ray Molina is the one to open the door, and Julie wastes no time launching herself into her father’s arms. “Did you see, papi? Hot 100!!!” she belts out right to his ear, but the older man is unfazed, only smiling proudly at his daughter.

“Tia Victória called me the second the charts were announced,” he tells her, pride dripping from every syllable, “Good job, mija. I’m so proud of you.”

He kisses Julie’s forehead softly, and Luke smiles at the sight.

“Alright, I’m gonna get some water to wash down the pitorros.” she detaches herself from Ray and redirects her gaze to Luke, eyes tender. “Goodnight Luke, and thank you for tonight.”

“Anytime, Jules.” he tells her honestly, eyes following her as she disappears into the kitchen.

“It’s good to see you, mijo.” Ray tells him right before he leaves, and if he gets to Reggie’s with red eyes and swollen cheeks, that’s no one’s business but his own.

-x-

“I left them a message,” he informs her the following day as they unpack some groceries they got for the apartment, “I called their landline. It went to voicemail but- I left a message. Asked them if we could talk soon... She messaged me today, said I could come over tonight if I wanted.”

There’s a soft  _ thud _ as the cereal box, previously in her hands, falls to the ground, and next thing he knows, her arms are around him in a tight embrace.

It’s the first time they hug in over a year, it hits him, and it feels like coming home after the longest flight of his life.

He snakes his own arms around the petite girl, relishing on how his palm fits perfectly on the small of her back.

“Do you still have the song?” she asks, breath puffing lightly on his ear in a way that makes it hard for him not to shiver. It’s been so long since he’s had her this close.

He doesn’t need to ask which song she’s talking about, instead, he only nods, chin hitting the top of her head lightly as he does. She squeezes him tighter, as if giving him some of her strength.

“I know we were going to try and crack the bridge today but do you think-” he takes a sharp, shaky breath, “-do you think we could record a demo for it instead?”

She pulls away, but takes his hand into hers as she grins widely. She looks proud of him, and that alone is enough to give him the push he needs to get through the conversation that awaits him.

-x-

It’s a rough, emotional night. By the end, things aren’t fixed, there’s still so much they have to talk through, years and years of emotional baggage that’s still waiting to be solved.

But it’s a start, and for that he’s grateful.

_ “Thank you” _ , he texts her right after he leaves.

“❤” is all she texts back, and he has to tell his heart to stop beating so goddamn fast over an emoji.

(He sleeps with a smile on his face anyway)

-x-

Traffic is a bitch the next day, and he lets her know he’ll be late to their recording session despite his best efforts. His high spirits left over from the night before haven’t quite worn off, though, and he uses the time to call his parents (!) and schedule a nice dinner with them, his treat.

“Will Julie be joining us this time, sweetie?” his mother asks, and it hits him she has no idea they’ve broken up in the first place.

“Uh, I gotta check with her, so I’ll text you about it, okay? I gotta go now, I just got to the studio.” he doesn’t have it in him to break the news for her - maybe it’s hopeful thinking, maybe he just doesn’t want to have another difficult conversation with her just yet. He could ask Julie to come with him as a friend too, right? No harm in that.

“Alright, but don’t forget to ask her, okay? I miss her a lot - your dad does too.”

“I will, I will!”

“Alright, love you, Luke.”

“Love you too, mom.”

He finishes the call and heads up to the studio, grinning from ear to ear. He enters the recording booth and finds Julie already inside, though the melody playing in the studio is unfamiliar to him.

_ “This love is good _

_ This love is bad _

_ This love is alive, back from the dead, oh _

_ These hands had to let it go free _

_ And this love came back to me, oh _

_ Oh, oh” _

Oh, indeed.

Their eyes meet, she gives him a soft smile, but doesn’t come out of the booth just yet, instead continues recording.

“ _ This love left a permanent mark _

_ This love is glowing in the dark, oh, oh, oh _

_ These hands had to let it go free, and _

_ This love came back to me, oh, oh, oh _ ”

_ “Julie will be there”  _ he sends his mom, and allows himself to hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title song finally makes an appearance! Feel free to scream at me in the comments heh
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter:
> 
> Title: Wake Up (Julie and The Phantoms)  
> Unsaid Emily (Julie and The Phantoms) - even if not by name lol  
> This Love (Taylor Swift)


	7. a second chance is all i really need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at the end, folks... thanks for coming along on this ride. Every kudos, every bookmark and especially every comment has been deeply appreciated.
> 
> I hope this one brings you some happiness,
> 
> Enjoy!

Admittedly, they’re dancing around the subject.

Alex says she’s made her move and now it’s his turn, but what is he supposed to do? Just walk up to her and say he wants to get back together?

It can’t be that simple, right?

So, at least for the time being, he takes to simply enjoying the clear shift in the atmosphere around them. How she’s taken to sitting so close to him when they write that their thighs constantly press together, or how she rests her head on his shoulder when the night starts winding down and the day catches up to her - how easily she closes her eyes and falls asleep right there (more often than not leaving a tiny pool of drool on his shirts) making for a sight that feels so foreign and so familiar at the same time.

As for himself, he’ll find any excuse to hold her, too, and he can tell she knows what he’s doing. She never calls him out on it, so he supposes he isn’t the only one who was feeling touch starved.

To say he hasn’t been touched at all this year would be a lie, he lives with Reggie The Cuddle Monster after all, but he’s been  _ Julie _ starved, and that’s so, so much worse.

Everything fails in comparison to the righteousness of having her weight on top of him as they watch something as silly as the Kissing Booth 2 (they tortured themselves with the first one, it was only right to do the same with the sequel) on their couch, in their home and everything they’ve built inside it.

He has to say something.

He won’t let the best thing in his life slip through his fingers again.

-x-

“Remember when I wrote you ‘Julie’?” he finds himself asking halfway through the movie, the contrived teenage angst of the movie reminding him of his own moments of teen anguish.

That song, in particular, had been born out of their first-ever argument. Sunset Curve had just started amassing a more considerable following, and a seventeen-year-old Julie had gotten fed up after he entertained one too many groupies that thought his sleeveless shirts were an invitation to grope his arms.

It was a silly argument, standing solely on their insecurities and the unstable grounds of a fresh relationship, but they did get a pretty damn good song out of it.

Interestingly enough, Bobby found it appropriate to include even My Name Is Luke in his album, but not this one.

“Yeah, not exactly your subtlest moment.” she tells him, head still resting on his chest comfortably.

“Oh, come on, are you saying you  _ weren’t  _ charmed by ‘I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you’?”

She snorts, snuggling further into his chest, “No, that was cute… I could’ve gone without the whole ‘Julie I won’t make assumptions about why you weren’t at homeroom but I think it’s ‘cause of me’- Oh! And definitely without that verse where you call my friends stupid even though we literally shared the exact same friend group.”

“I was talking about Nick.” he confesses, trying not to smile.

“... of course you were.” she rises from his chest to give him an unimpressed look.

“Oh, wash that smug grin off your face, Patterson.”

“Or what?” he challenges, eyebrow raised as his fierce gaze meets her own. 

He sees her eyes travel down, and his breath gets caught in his throat.

It’s eerily silent for a moment.

“Or I’ll put chocolate powder on your pepperoni pizza.” she finally replies, eyes back up.

“You know what? That actually sounds like a good combo. I should try that.” 

She looks appalled. He grins wider.

“You are disgusting, Luke Patterson.” she says, and returns to her home in his chest.

The tension’s been dissolved, but his mind’s reeling thinking about how close he was to just crashing their lips together.

They definitely have to talk. And soon.

-x-

“There’s a Beatles cover band hitting The Strip tonight,” he tells her one afternoon, “Wanna check it out with me?”

It’s easy to clock on the moment it hits her just what he’s asking her.

“The Beatles?” she asks,  _ ‘Are we doing this?’  _ he hears.

He nods, giving her a hopeful smile.

“I was thinking we could finish up early and I’ll pick you up at Flynn’s around seven?”

She smiles at him, the gap between her front teeth never failing to endear him, and she steps into his personal space to give him a peck to the cheek so quick he almost misses it.

“It’s a date.” she tells him, and he doesn’t bother holding back his wide grin.

_ It’s a date! _

-x-

Julie Molina always looks stunning in his eyes, but tonight she’s truly something else.

Her sparkly gray dress is form-fitting, hugging her body and making Luke struggle to catch his breath. Her curls are up in a loose ponytail and she forewent most of her necklaces, instead only the Julie golden chain remained. The addition of her doodle-filled chunky sneakers makes him smile. 

He loves her style so much.

Loves  _ her _ so much.

And they have to talk. Tonight.

-x-

The bar is decently crowded when they arrive, most people gathering around the small stage in the corner. The band’s already setting themselves up, so they hurry over to get a good spot.

The band opens up with ‘Something’, and he can’t help but sing along to the lyrics, eyes always intent on her.

_ “Something in the way she moves _

_ Attracts me like no other lover _

_ Something in the way she woos me _

_ I don't want to leave her now _

_ You know I believe and how” _

They dance happily to the mellow sound of the song, he spins her around and she laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

“ _ Somewhere in her smile, she knows _

_ That I don't need no other lover _

_ Something in her style that shows me _

_ I don't want to leave her now _

_ You know I believe and how” _

He keeps up with every note, meaning every single word he’s saying. Her wide grin dims, turning into something softer, more intimate.

She rests his head on his chest, and they keep dancing.

-x-

The show’s already dwindling down when they finally play his request (he may have spent a good chunk of an hour today buttering up the group’s vocalist for this). And, from where he stands right behind her, chest pressed to her back, he feels her sharp intake of breath when the soft guitar notes of ‘I Will’ start to fill up the bar.

Good, she remembers it too, then.

_ “That’s how you make me feel, Jules. I love you.” he confessed once the song was done and he put his guitar down, the fear of his best friend’s possible rejection running through his entire body.  _

_ It had been over a week since the parade, and he couldn’t keep his feelings to himself any longer. Regardless of the outcome, he knew he couldn’t keep pretending he didn’t love her for even a second more. _

_ His worries were quickly washed away when he took one look at her face, though. Her watery eyes were looking at him with such adoration that he felt like a fool for waiting so many years to confess. _

_ “You drive me crazy, Luke Patterson.” was the first thing she told him. _

_ Then she proceeded to snog him senseless, which he definitely wasn’t complaining about. _

If anything, the lyrics to the song only ring truer some seven-plus years later.

“ _ Who knows how long I've loved you, _ ” he sings to her ear, “ _ You know I love you still… Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to, I will” _

Her hands search for his, gripping tight as the band moves into the chorus.

_ “Love you forever and forever _

_ Love you with all my heart _

_ Love you whenever we're together _

_ Love you when we're apart” _

He snakes his arms around her waist, swaying them slowly from side to side to the beat of the guitar.

_ “And when at last I find you _

_ Your song will fill the air _

_ Sing it loud so I can hear you _

_ Make it easy to be near you _

_ For the things you do endear you to me _

_ You know I will _

_ I will” _

The song ends, and applause erupts around them. Julie turns around to face him, eyes full of intention.

“We gotta talk.”

-x-

They head out of the bar with no set destination in mind, just in hopes of a quiet place. They settle for a secluded park not too far from where they were. Besides a couple of night joggers and dog walkers, it’s peaceful.

She’s standing in front of him, wide eyes and parted lips looking all too inviting. Taking her cue, he steps closer, leaning in-

“Wait!” he hears her say, and steps back immediately.

“What, Jules?” he asks, voice full of concern.

“I just- how do we know we won’t get back to the exact same place we were?”

She sounds broken, and his heart breaks all over again for it.

“What do you  _ mean _ , Jules?”

“What I  _ mean _ , Luke, is that you were so focused on your music you forgot to care about literally anything else. Me, your friends, your family… Finishing a song is not an excuse to miss Carlo’s 16th birthday that  _ you _ were supposed to throw in the first place-”

He winces, memories of the aftermath all too clear in his mind. 

“-or to miss Flynn’s first fashion gig! Or to leave me waiting for over an hour at a restaurant we were supposed to have dinner at for the  _ Fifth. Time. _ in a month without so much as a  _ text _ to say you got caught up with something! I had my own shit going on too, Luke, and  _ I needed you. _ There were so many contracts and industry talk and all that shit you had already dealt with but was completely new to me but all you could think about was the goddamn album you had to write. It’s like I wasn’t even there, Luke.”

By the end of her speech, it’s hard to tell who’s shed more tears. The things she’s saying aren’t news to him, not exactly, but he only knew his own side of things. What Julie remembers as nights spent waiting for him, he remembers as nights spent teetering on the edge of completely giving up on everything, words stuck in his throat as he tried to come up with something,  _ anything _ that didn’t just feel like a cheap copy of the old Sunset Curve, or that felt like it had any value to it. 

It was months and months of trying to get anything out of himself that wasn’t just bitter, regretful words torn in a piece of paper. She had to know, though, surely she had seen it in him, right?

“You gotta know how important that album was to me, though, Jules. It was our first project without Bobby, and our one chance to prove that we could still be amazing, you know? That it didn’t matter that he had stolen our old songs, we could write ones that would put those to  _ shame _ instead. It doesn’t excuse what I did, I know, and I’m so,  _ so _ sorry that I hurt you, Jules, I was too busy focusing on the past to see that you needed me in the present. I wanna do better by you, I promise you that much.”

There’s more he wants to say, but her lips are on his and that makes it hard for him to think about anything that isn’t  _ Julie Julie Julie Julie _ .

She kisses him like she’s been in a desert for a year and he’s her first sight of water. He kisses back like he’s a college kid seeing his childhood bed for the first time in so long - he jumps straight into the familiar comfort.

And it feels so good to be home.

They pull apart for air, but he keeps his forehead pressed to hers gently, physically unable to shake off the grin off his face.

“Okay, from now on when we feel like there’s something our partner’s lacking in, we actually  _ voice it _ so we don’t waste a full year on it.” she tells him, and he steals one more kiss before replying.

“You got it, boss.”

She sighs in relief.

“Oh, thank God. I couldn’t stand listening to Paper Bag on repeat anymore.”

“‘ _ Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love’ _ , really Jules?”

“Oh do  _ not _ try to come for my angst playlist when I caught you listening to Cherry on our very first studio day.”

“Hey, it worked perfectly!”

She raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, then, as if a lightbulb had lit inside her head, she catches his hand in her own and gets moving.

“I know we have a lot more to discuss, but I think we found our bridge, baby.”

He doesn’t blush because of the nickname, it’s just cold outside, alright?

-x-

_ “So step right out, there is no amount _

_ Of crying I can do for you _

_ All this time _

_ We always walked a very thin line _

_ You didn't even hear me out (You didn't even hear me out) _

_ You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) _

_ All this time _

_ I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind) _

_ I couldn't turn things around (You never turned things around) _

_ 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) _

_ So many signs, so many signs _

_ You didn't even see the signs” _

After many more tears shed in the recording box, they finish the song that very night. The next morning, they nervously show it off to Andi and all the execs.

In the end, they convince them to let them write an entire goddamn album.

The boys of Sunset Curve are thrilled, obviously, and they aren’t exactly subtle about their excitement over “Jukebox” (as they call it) being back together, either.

They officially move back into the apartment, and bask in a few months of domestic bliss (including multiple dinners at the Rainbow Abode, the Molinas and the Pattersons) before taking off for the first leg of their North-American tour.

Any success either the band or Julie had on their own feels infinitesimal in comparison to the way they blow up as a union. Flynn says Luke and Julie are the most watchable duet-ers she’s ever seen, and the crowds seem to agree. Every night on stage with her feels electric, and they carry well into the late hours of their nights.

Even his parents seem to agree when they come and see the band perform at the Staples Center for over twenty thousand people.

They head back home, and one day, completely unprompted, he notices she’s wearing the ring as she peels the vegetables for dinner.

_ The  _ ring.

He pulls her to him, leaving them chest to chest, before he kisses her deeply, kisses her senseless, kisses her until they’re both dizzy from so much love.

“How do you feel about chocolate cake with bacon as a side dish?” he asks her softly.

“If you dare to mention bacon anywhere near our wedding again I’ll flush this ring down the toilet, Patterson.”

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too.”

She smiles at him, eyes so full of love he worries he might burst from too much of it.

So he does the sensible thing, and kisses her again for some release.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the last time, songs mentioned in this chapter:
> 
> Title: Common Sense (Joshua Basset)  
> Betty (Taylor Swift) - it's not my fault all the rhymes still work when you trade it for Julie!  
> Something (The Beatles)  
> I Will (The Beatles)  
> Paper Bag (Fiona Apple)  
> Exile (Taylor Swift, Bon Iver)
> 
> I look forward to your reactions to this one :D


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